Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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