This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
