Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
