I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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