I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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