I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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