I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
