True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
