Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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