sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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