I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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