"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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