Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
