Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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