11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
