Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He shit in the fireplace
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
