yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
