I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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