I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
