Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
This house was built for laser tag.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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