i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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