I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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