I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
