Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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