We're like a lot better than the average bears
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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