Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
