he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
