i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
