But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
