Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
COCAINE IS GR8
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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