I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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