Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
