So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
