My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
