Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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