My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
