i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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