I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
