I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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