I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
