I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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