my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize