Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
