Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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