She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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