so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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