theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
