More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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