it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Less talking, more tequila
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
