I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
