So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
