he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
