i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Will exercising make me less horny?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
