Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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