i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
