I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
