we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
