Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
me + whiskey = a bad person
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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