Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i love accidental penises.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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