I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
