I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
