Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize