I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
