i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
