My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
