Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
be right there i have to get my cape
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
