Just fell off a train. Bad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
