There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just high enough for therapy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
