fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
