I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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