when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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