Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
