He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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