I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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