Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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