How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
